#NotTheMainCharacter

Many of us have experienced parting with a nonprofit or two, on good and sometimes not so good terms. A few may turn out to be Exhibit A; there are contenders that stand out.

To put it plainly, shoddy practices in nonprofits do happen.

Inevitably, things will go wrong, emotionally as well as professionally at some point over the life time of a nonprofit. Respectful business practices go by the wayside, and accountability are sorted and discarded, many times inadvertently and without malice. But these acts may do damage and harm not only the individuals who are in the line of fire, but reverberate throughout the sector.

The nonprofit industry already suffers less than favorable approval and a lack of trust in some areas, including staff management and donor-centric policies. And you should be especially careful when leadership behaves as the main character, signaling early sign of trouble.

Main Character Syndrome (MSC) is when a leader promotes team work, but when it comes to decision-making, only takes his or her own counsel. Or, when informed of some rule, regulation or behavior, slowly incorporates it and then all of a sudden acts as if it’s their own invention, taking credit for this newfound insight at every turn. Another MCS hallmark is not being good at being criticized even when encouraging staff to practice straight-talk.

In his 1/9/2024  blog, Vu Le outlines the main characteristics of MCS, that “according to my quick consultation with fellow cool young people, (it) is basically whe(n) someone thinks they are the main character in the universe, and everyone else is just a support character in their fascinating and enthralling story. And they act like it.”

Le continues, “This phenomenon helps to explain many things that happen in our sector, such as the egotistical executive director who needs to take credit for everything. Or the board member/donor who demands to be treated like royalty and who gets offended at the slightest injury to their image or sensibilities.”

These individuals can also demand outsize attention and admiration, along with forcing their views and input on their pet projects or throughout the organization.

Michelle Santiago Cortés writes that “while main character syndrome isn't an actual mental-health diagnosis, it is generally defined — in pop culture and on TikTok — as someone who is self-centered, believes the people around them live to support them, and views themself as the main character of their life.” That MCS has features of narcissism is an understatement; I explored this particular subject in an earlier post.

Taking the liberty in applying the MSC to the nonprofit world, there is another behavior to look out for, which I have named the “macro-unavailable and micro-involved” manager. Such a character tunes out when bored or engaged elsewhere, and doesn’t really bother with the details. Until they do, proceeding to intently monitoring, supervising and making power plays by the handful that doesn’t jive with the overall health of the organizations or with projects that staff are working with on a daily basis.

As a result, these individuals are busy getting on everybody’s case, demoralizing staff who feels they are being overlooked and used in ways that is not in line with the mission and vision. Calling this emotional abuse is not an exaggeration, which is why it is so important to call out such behavior.

But in these scenarios, the main character will ultimately fail.

I have developed pretty thick skin over the years, including identifying MCS. That doesn’t mean I am not caught off guard here and there.

When tumultuous and inappropriate practices occur, I have learned the cost of disappointment; and it’s usually not worth it. It doesn’t take me anywhere productive, it’s a waste of time, and gets the best of me. That #ItsNotAboutMe is a helpful reminder to get on with it.

Instead of becoming cynical or Machiavellian to outsmart the Main Character, I suggest cutting your losses. Main Characters don’t seem to want to realize what’s up – and are too occupied with their own importance to understand that you see straight through them. More than that, 99% of the time the Main Character underestimate the people they are discarding and hurting.

In a previous blog, I wrote about people who exhibit a similar disorder – individuals who can’t get out of their own way and sooner adopt a know-it-all attitude once they realize that they are being challenged and outsmarted.

A person who thinks that only he or she can run an organization properly and has all the right answers will eventually run out of people to impress and target. To not allow others to own their work, to create and encourage agency among staff, will ultimately be their downfall.

And if the entire organization goes down with them, it’s always someone else’s fault.

So, a note of caution: when anybody becomes too important than the cause they’re working or advocating for, then it’s time to reevaluate. To get out of the way, to listen, and to care, are hallmarks that make a good leader.

MSC ain’t it.  

Photo: Anna Sheets by Pexels