Communication, connectivity and constant community – the glue that holds us together.

Connection is one of the most important human traits. It guides our social and emotional development and is instrumental in brain development. Quite literally, when synapses connects in our brain, we become human. So how desperate are we about connecting? What are we ready to do to remain connected to each other? 

In the context of emotional engagement (which this blog is concerned with), the question of how our relationship with smartphones directs and influence our lives becomes apparent.

I remember when I traded in my Motorola Razr* flip phone for a Blackberry in the mid-2000s, knowing that my life would change forever. My younger daughter was sad because I didn’t see her off at the school bus in the mornings, so I caved. The smartphone enabled me to work on the bus during my two hour door-to-door commute (each way…), while making her happy. What’s a (single) parent to do?!

The habit of reaching for our phones have only increased as most of our lives are transferred through this device, taking photos, creating memories, getting information on everything under the sun, paying bills, talking to people (!), and communicating with the world around us, in general.

So, how is your relationship with your phone? Are you an occasional user? Do you feel that you have control of your use? Or, is it interfering with your everyday life and obligations, making it a dependent relationship? These questions are relevant as many see phone use as an unhealth obsession. A disturbing notion is complaints that underprivileged people have phones. Today, when applying for a job, reaching out to social services, or knowing when the food bank is open, is through our phones, such criticism is rude and incomprehensible.

Many of today’s mental health expert as well as UX designers, engineers and tech CEOs are expressing concerns and even call out warnings about our dependency. Young people’s use have been linked to the global (and western) mental health epidemic of this demographic. Not only that, there are warnings about cancer risks caused by radiation from the phones. 

But what does that mean, in the context of seeking connections through our devices? What drives us to stay in touch? What is that urge to reach for the phone the first thing as we awake in the morning?

It is fair to say that we are inundated with advise to be more offline, recounting the danger of scrolling and becoming victims of insidious algorithms. From this perspective, communicating and connecting with others, and its constancy across both oceans and generations, are seen as deadly sins.

The phone serves as a connection to social interaction, to participating in society and to communicating with our friends, and family. It literally takes us from being alone to being together, with someone, something, even if they are far away. It is also a work tool, and if you are a global worker with the world as your ‘office’ the phone is intrinsic to your performance and participation.

Is this so bad?

Apple released its first iPhone on June 29, 2007, and the world has not been the same since. As we look at the development of the smartphones over the last decade and a half, the device has become a reliable vehicle for how community works in the 21st century., even transformed society. Generations, iterations of the technique, have enabled layers of society to participate in the community in ways that we never envisioned. Today, apps are abundant, allowing us to participate in communities that lay beyond our physical reach, learn about the world at a moment’s notice, and conduct business wherever we are. The phone was also a vital part of the shift from working from home during the pandemic.

Elderly people have learned to check bank statements and pay bills, but also to talk to and see loved ones who live far away, while people of all ages are lured into rabbit holes of content that are both entertaining and educational; and not seldom sensational. Most of all, smartphones have allowed new ways for us to know and experience the world.

The critique has been swift. “Don’t spend so much time on the phone!”, “Lift your eyes and smell the roses!”, and “What can possibly be so interesting on that screen?” are comments and complaints from those around us, often parents, but also partners and acquaintances.

Not to be ignored, the devise can be a way to avoid direct and social interaction, providing a distance that can be more manageable if you feel insecure in social settings, or otherwise not comfortable in crowds or formal situations. It can also be the one way for you to conduct business, which necessitates that you are online, checking the phone frequently. Although there is nothing wrong with that, many will argue that the very nature of the phones, the scrolling, is messing with our brains, and that the dopamine bath that is a result of the scrolling, is habit-forming, even detrimental to our well-being. A decline in social interaction and subsequently isolation and decreased wellbeing are real concerns. Body images, competition and plain old bragging is flourishing, influencing self-worth and are serious downsides of usage. Lately, the spread of falsehoods and conspiracy theories have become a particular scourge.

For children and teenagers, overuse is a developmental issue and should be taken seriously. For adults, it is a behavior that could be reined in and managed.

But the point I want to make, and reflected in the title, is that we are on our phones to feel connected and to participate in the social rituals of our species.

Verifiable research show that humans are lonelier than ever before. More people live alone, at least in western world, we live longer, and also move around more, often over large distances. Taken together, distances bring disruption of social and physical connections with people we are close to.

The (smart)phone is a tool that alleviates loneliness.

I hold that the reason we are on our phones so much is a fundamental human need to be and stay connected. We are seeking out others, watching videos of other people, of animals, of nature – to stay connected with the things and people that mean something to us. And if it’s a video of a comedian that we don’t know personally, we connect with that person through the communication that is aired, and the content that we absorb.

Personally, I try to limit, not always achieved, to be off the phone and look up, and see the world around me.

But in the midst of the angst that we have for our planet, and humanity, to be on the phone and seeing others, interacting and consuming contents, might not be the disaster that we all fear. Admittedly, small children’s screen time should be limited, and a delay in getting their own phones have shown positive results of reading ability and interactive skills. 

Many people delete apps and take a social media break; others put the phone away and turn it off on a regular basis. It’s a personal choice, and one that I could practice more often, to be sure.

To briefly refer to the theme of this blog, it is also clear that communication is essential in fundraising and that organizations that are realizing this relationship will be more successful in their endeavors to raise donations, and raising their brand to spread awareness of their work. An emotional connection is a strategy that many fundraisers utilize, and in a previous blog, I wrote about how fundraising is the ultimate team sport where communication is an essential part of this objective. 

As society becomes more complex, more populated, more integrated and even ‘smaller’, using our phones may paradoxically be a means for us to stay connected, to care and learn about each other despite differences, over distances, and to form relationships, and keep them, that were impossible in earlier times. Spending time on our phones connects us. Without connections, our lives  would be awfully lonely.

*Fun fact, just saw an ad for the new Razr phone, quite the coincidence, two decades later.

Photo: Joeni Braw via Prexels